December 13, 2015

Women of the Hour



 Lena Dunham – Women of the Hour

"The fact is that work doesn’t bore me; it’s obsessed me, often to the detriment of my intrapersonal relationships and gastrointestinal health. It’s my favorite thing there is." - LD

One of my best friends sent me the link to this podcast today and it really hit home.

Talking about what I do for work has always been an awkward challenge for me and something I always try to avoid or undermine ever since leaving my job as a social worker. It felt absurd leaving a career that felt important to follow my dreams doing something that is often considered unimportant and frivolous. Having male peers belittle my work and the women I have photographed to nothing more than being "babes", having men call me a diva because I ask necessary questions while on set or being called a ball-buster rather than being called assertive hasn't helped. Often I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. Often I am winging it, learning as I go and have had to learn many lessons by making many mistakes. But I'm realizing a good portion of those times I pretend like I'm unsure is really just a way to protect myself from appearing to others as a bossy bitch, overly ambitious or hide the truth that what I do for work makes me so incredibly happy that it feels ridiculous.

Fuck that. My job brings me so much joy, fulfillment and the most incredible relationships with other people. I'm so grateful I work a job that doesn't bore me. I'm so grateful I get to work doing the thing that consumes my mind day and night and with other people that I admire and respect. To all the people who look at what I do and ask me “do you ever work?” – the answer is yes - I work everyday doing a job that makes me so happy that it doesn’t feel like work. I love it so much that I’ve sacrificed many comforts and material things just so that I can continue doing what I’m doing. I’ve photographed a Grammy award-winning musician while living in a tent in a garage and shitting in a bucket, for 6 months after 4 months of living off the back of a motorcycle. To all the people who ask me how I travel all the time - no, I don’t have a trust fund, but I do have parents who by some insane miracle have never judged me or doubted me despite my religious and conservative upbringing. I have not had my own home in 2 years and have been living out of boxes and bags since. I’ve had my finger smashed off – like OFF off – by a trailer hitch, but I still picked up my camera a few hours later because I had a job to do and it was only my middle finger. Some days I crave normalcy, routine and financial stability, but I wouldn't trade my happiness even for the tip of my finger back. I figure I’ve got plenty of life left for that. And if I don’t then I know I didn’t waste my time being bored or miserable. 


"Do all the things, be all the things and have all the things." - LD

2 comments:

  1. Unreal post Amanda!! Nitty gritty. That finger story is insannnnne what!?! Listening to podcast now it's super sharp, enjoying it.

    ReplyDelete

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